New Tricks
by Karthonox
Summary: A series of loosely connected one-shots involving Seras and the humorous ordeals she gets into with her powers. Currently: Fang Cleanliness
1. Mental Suggestion (1)

**Mental Suggestion (1):**

Seras attempts to force her will onto another to get what she wants.

* * *

She was absolutely livid.

The cause? Her uniform. If that was what you honestly wanted to call it.

Personally she would have stopped wearing it years ago if she had a paycheck and could go out and buy things, it belonged on a scandalous whore and not someone as modest as herself. But she was just the organization's new pet vampire at the time and pets are not paid, they are provided for and must accept what is given to them. At least Pip was nice enough to buy her a silly pink coat when he was still alive... even if she hated pink.

Sadly, a pair of uni-sex military grade fatigues like all the other soldiers had wasn't a part of the personal dress code laid out for her. No, better get the little 'Police-Girl' a super short skirt that barely covers her underwear instead. Oh! And throw in some thigh-high stockings to boot, that should make up for her lack of decent trousers!

What a load of bollux!

Even if it all seemed like an elaborate joke on her expense, it wasn't like she was going to argue with the people who would be deciding on her continued existence from that point on. But this was one joke that lasted too long in her opinion, the constant harassment and lewd comments made about her by the rest of the troops was bloody pissing her off! She was their commanding officer and she wanted some respect when she entered the room damnit, not a slutty blonde joke and a chorus of laughter.

So currently that is what had her seething in the corner of her employer's office, awaiting the moment Sir Integra finished her paperwork so she could make a brave request.

A throat was cleared and glancing upward from her sulking, she saw Sir Integra shuffling the latest batch of financial reports.

"Officer Victoria... I apologize for the wait. What was it that you wished to discuss?"

This was it, the moment that would decide whether or not she would remain a laughing stock for the remainder of her servitude.

"Oh, um. Yes... Its about my uniform, Sir."

"What of it?"

"Well, Sir. You see, its just that... I... Um."

Sir Integra just stared at her for several moments with her brows scrunched in exasperation.

She squirmed in her seat a bit. This was bad, she hadn't even gotten to asking for what she wanted before her employer gave her the 'Eye of Impatience'.

"Eh-hehe... I..."

"Oh, for Heaven's sake, Seras! Out with it already!"

Deciding not to further agitate her boss, she mumbled the first possible answer she thought of, "I hate it."

With a puff taken from her cigar, Sir Integra leaned back into her chair.

"And?"

"And I'd like some trousers, Sir."

"I see."

Sir Integra didn't show any sign that she cared nor did it appear that she would consider her request. It was just that same old mask of neutrality.

She didn't like the potential prospect of her employer saying no, she couldn't take being humiliated any more, she just couldn't. Oohh... what would her old Master do in such a situation..? Probably play some mind game on Sir Integra until she caved in...

Wait.

That was it! The mind! She could try and use a Mental Suggestion, so that Sir Integra would be compelled to make her uniform more professional no matter what her employer originally was going to do. But how had her old Master used what Pip dubbed the 'Evil Love Beam'? She'd never done it before and would have to wing it, hopefully what she was about to do would work.

Getting up from her chair, she proceeded to walk up and nearly invade her employer's personal space. Once there she opened her 'Vampiric Third Eye' and began to project her thoughts, much like she did when she used to speak with her old Master telepathically. Only this time she wasn't having a conversation, instead it felt like she was cramming a bunch of mental images down a funnel.

Leaning in even closer to Sir Integra's face, she pointed out her index finger and began making swirly patterns, maybe it would help with the whole hypnotizing thing. Or something like that.

"Umm... You want to get rid of the mini-skirt and make normal military fatigues a part of my uniform. Because it would make Seras very happy and all the jerks who make fun of her will have nothing to laugh at."

She wagged her finger around several more times for added effect.

"Oh, and you had a perfectly wonderful day today, with no issues whatsoever."

There, now her employer got something out of it too and she could feel slightly justified for using her powers.

Sir Integra narrowed her eyes to slits. It was the only indication that anything had even transpired. Did it... did it work..? No, something wasn't right, her employer was supposed to repeat what was said, wasn't she?

Shortly after that thought, Sir Interga's hands slammed down upon her desk without warning.

"Senior Officer Seras Victoria! Please, tell me that what you just dared to attempt performing on me was not what I thought it was!"

Oh dear, that did not go as planned.

"Eh-hehe... Um... It wasn't..?

Sir Integra just seemed to deflate a bit at that and placed a hand upon her face.

"Seras, surely you would have known that cheap trick only works on the weak-minded and that I of all people, certainly do not fall under that category?"

"Honestly, Sir, my old Master never told me how it worked. I didn't know that was a requirement."

"Of course he didn't, the lazy git."

Sighing, Sir Integra clasped her hands under her chin."

"If you had that much of a problem with them, then why did you not complain sooner? I would have gladly given you some bloody trousers, that skirt is horribly eccentric and as you could clearly see with Alucard, I allowed him to wear whatever he damn well pleased. I had simply assumed you enjoyed traipsing about like that and didn't bother arguing the point."

Her employer had to be kidding, this was... this... AAUUGHHH! THIS WAS UNBELIEVABLE! All of those years, all of them, she could have had something decent covering her.

She slumped to the ground.

"But... Sir Integra, Walter had said that my uniform was 'custom-made' by Hellsing and that I was required to dress - Here she waved her hand up and down to to draw attention to her attire - Like. This. And that you had approved of it."

"Seras, as much as it pains me to say it, Walter was quite a lecherous man. It appears that he had lied to you at the time for whatever sick pleasure he could get out of it."

She blinked and slightly tilted her head. "Oh... I see. That explains a lot actually. Like how he made me go first in the air vents... wait... That pervert!"

"Indeed, now if that is all than you are dismissed. I'll make a request for some more appropriate clothing later."

"Oh, and Officer Victoria?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Since I consider you a close friend and because this is your first offense, I'm letting you off with just a warning. But if you ever try another one of your little 'Vampire Mind Tricks' with me again than I will really make Walter's handy work a permanent part of your ensemble. Am I perfectly clear?"

"Crystal, Sir..."

"Good, now get out before I change my mind about not punishing you and make you wear that for another month."

She practically ripped the door off it's hinges as she bolted out of the room.


	2. Wall Walking

**Author's Note: **

I wanted to thank you all for the reviews, they mean a lot to me.

**Q&A:**

This does indeed take place after Alucard disappears. As for why she didn't just use her powers for an outfit change? Well, I'm sure there will be something at least partially dedicated to that.

As for the uniform being Alucard's idea, its funny that you should mention that. In the original draft the whole thing was a personal joke between Walter and Alucard, which was probably true given both of their lecherous grins when handing the thing to her. Poor Seras never seems to catch a break. =]

* * *

**Wall Walking:**

Seras discovers that she is better than a ninja.

* * *

Laying in her open coffin, she looked up at the roof of her dungeon-like room and let out a very long sigh.

She was so booored!

The years following Millennium's attack on London had been quite tame in terms of supernatural threats. In general, there would only be one or two attacks on a monthly basis within the Hellsing Organization's jurisdiction. What this meant was that she had far more downtime than she could stand and there wasn't much to do inside the mansion besides read books, target practice, or sitting around twiddling her thumbs. Sir Integra had been kind enough to allow her the use of an unused computer to entertain herself, but you can only browse the internet for so long and play solitaire so many times before you start getting a little stir-crazy.

She now understood completely why her old Master had been such a prankster, things got dull quickly. Very quickly.

But the real cherry on top of her ice-cream of boredom was that she could not leave the Hellsing mansion unless her presence was required on a mission. Not long after the attack on London, the Convention of Twelve had ordained that there be more hefty restrictions on where Hellsing's pet monster was allowed to roam. Apparently after seeing what her old Master did in London they feared what she could be capable of and believed her to be too much of a threat to be mingling with the general populace. It wasn't something Sir Integra could argue her way out of doing, despite how much she tried.

She knew that she was a monster now and had grown to accept that, but just because she was a monster didn't mean she wasn't a 'person' and it still stung a little to know that she was often not considered worthy of some basic freedoms afforded to a 'person'.

...

Just a monster...

...

That actually gave her an idea.

She may be a monster but she wasn't a very experienced one, come to think of it, she hadn't really been using much of her supernatural powers beyond the basics since the attack on London. Sure, she knew how to morph her arm into all sorts of crazy shapes, run really fast, and use her Vampiric Third Eye, but her old Master could do all sorts of neat things that she has yet to figure out how to do, like shape-shifting or levitation. Finding out how to do that kind of stuff could be fun.

But what to try first? She could attempt to phase through a door, being able to do that would be handy. All she would have to do is... is...

Well.

Drat.

She had no idea where to start on that one.

On second thought, she had no clue on where to start for most of the powers her old Master showed proficiency in. But he had to have started somewhere, its not like he knew everything from the get-go. If she wanted to learn how to do all that stuff then she needed a starting point and something told her learning how to walk through a wall would be far more difficult than, say, walking up the wall. Yes, now that she thought about it, walking up the wall sounded like a much easier thing to begin with.

Besides, if she got it right, then she could just imagine the looks on all the bad guy's faces when she was kicking their arses while upside-down on the roof. She could be like Spiderman! Sort of. Except without the webs and she wouldn't be wearing something that would make people question her sexual orientation.

Actually, Spiderman didn't seem too good of a comparison now, better to just stick with bloodsucking demon who can defy gravity.

Right then, time to get up.

Hopping out of her coffin, she made her way to the nearest wall and placed a booted foot upon it. She supposed that just imagining herself walking on a surface would work, right..? Then she just had to place both feet on the wall, and... wallah!

Things did not go exactly to plan however, as she attempted to place her second foot on the wall and promptly fell back on her rump.

She winced and thought that perhaps she just wasn't concentrating hard enough. So, Steeling herself, she got up and placed her left foot on the wall once more. Letting loose an unnecessary breath, she closed her eyes and put forth all of her concentration into the mental image of walking up a solid surface and lifted her right foot up to coincide with her left. The thump of her body meeting the cold floor was indication enough that she had failed.

Her eyes opened to slits and she glared up at the wall. She wasn't sure what she was feeling more agitation towards at the moment, the wall, or the fact that she couldn't walk up it. But, she would not be deterred. She was a Draculina damnit and she would get up that bloody wall! Even if it meant having to take her boots off and clawing her way up with her toes!

She decided to try her current method one last time before going that far though.

Revving herself up and concentrating like previously, she shot out and ran up the wall for several steps before gravity took hold and she fell upon her back, cracking several vertebrae in the process. It took a few seconds to heal the damage and upon doing so, she couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. The whole scenario had reminded her of a comic panel she had looked at on a mission while waiting for a crew to clean the place up. It was about some ninja trying to walk up a tree using some crazy energy concentrated in his feet.

...

Wait...

...

As ridiculous as it sounded, that gave her an idea. All this time she'd been concentrating on just a mental image, what if she tried doing what that silly ninja from that comic panel did instead? It was technically possible for her to do, that 'crazy energy' was kind of like the shadows that she knew flowed under her skin and in her blood. Even if she had limited control over them with the exception of her left arm, she could concentrate a bit of those shadows to the underside of her feet and from there she could probably will them to act as magnets to whatever surface she wanted.

Testing her theory, she concentrated a bit of the shadow-matter in her body to her left foot and placed it on the wall, willing it to hold her in place. She tugged on her leg a bit and was pleased to note that the foot was indeed latched onto the wall and would not be coming off unless she willed it. She repeated the process for her right leg and found herself attached sideways to the wall and not on the ground for once. Hobbling a bit, she continued with her journey to the ceiling, keeping the shadows the way they were was a new concept for her and would take some time to get used to.

Reaching the ceiling gave her a sense of great satisfaction, teaching herself a new trick had been a success and in her excitement she pumped a fist into the air and yelled out, "take that you knuckle-headed ninja, I did what you did. But faster! HAH!"

* * *

After much wandering around upside-down throughout the dungeon, she made her way to the kitchen for a snack. Upon entry, she noticed the middle-aged man in butler's attire setting up a tray of some sort. She must have lost track of time if Mister Stewart was preparing a meal.

"Hellooo, Mister Stewart!"

He seemed to nearly drop the tray when he heard her, oops, she hadn't meant to scare him.

"Miss Victoria... what are you doing up there..?"

"Oh, not much. Just practicing my powers." She let out a toothy smile while examining the contents of the tray. "That blood packet wouldn't happen to be for me would it?"

"Why yes... it is."

Darting across the roof to get closer, she eyed the 'O+' on the side of the package. Yes! that one had a very sweet flavor.

"Its even my favorite type, you're really too kind to me, Mister Stewart!"

"I'm glad that you like it... Miss Victoria. But if I may ask? Could you please come down from the roof..?"

"Oh, I suppose so. Hold on a moment."

Dropping down and righting herself, she took note of his facial expression. She hadn't noticed it before, but Mister Stewart was trying to hide what appeared to be a grimace. She wondered what was wrong, he was always a little bit frightened of her because of what she was, but he didn't usually make that face.

"Is something the matter, Mister Stewart?"

"Well... it's just that... It's just that washing the footprints off the ceiling is going to be... difficult. Please tell me that you... that you haven't been up there for long?"

Looking at her filthy boots, she just now noticed all the tracks she had left in her wake. She had the decency to look a bit sheepish at that... they must have gotten dirty when she was wandering around back in the dungeon. Oh dear.

Poor Mister Stewart...

* * *

**Ending Note:**

I don't normally like using OC's, you guys came here to read about the legitimate characters and I intend to keep most of the stories confined to that. But I mean, come on, nearly everyone fricken died in the end. Disposable replacements are practically needed in some situations.


	3. Fang Cleanliness

**Author's Notes: **

This one is less of a new power and more of an introspective look at an old one. I've also tried to add a bit more 'funny' into this installment, hopefully I didn't overdo things though, I still want a degree of seriousness.

I'll actually be revisiting the "Mental Suggestion" topic in my next entree and the chapter after that one will be a slight continuation as well. I've got them planned, I just got to get my lazy ass up and start writing them.

Also, let me know if you felt like the last two scenes were a bit rushed, I didn't spend as much time on them and wasn't too sure if I gave them enough attention.

* * *

**Fang Cleanliness: **

Seras is on a hunt for the perfect floss.

* * *

For what had to be the umpteenth time in the past fifteen minutes, she unhinged her jaw and opened wide, allowing the remainder of her usually normal looking teeth to extend into fangs. The resulting image that stared back at her from the bedroom mirror was no less fearsome than the first time, she looked like a shark about to chomp off a chunk of flesh from an unsuspecting victim.

In retrospect, that wouldn't be that far off from the truth if she was going to use her fangs for their intended function.

But that was nothing new and besides the point. The whole reason she was down here and propped in front of this bloody mirror wasn't because she was admiring her 'I'm gonna eat you!' teeth, it was actually because of a certain mercenary leader that Sir Integra had recently hired. Some bigoted Russian man that she didn't bother to learn the name of. Normally she would just ignore whatever the little git said about her, but the insult he had thrown at her when she tried to offer some advice during his men's first training session... had... made her start thinking about a few things.

_"My comrades are not needing advice from creature with breath carrying stench of thousand rotting corpses, Pfah!"_

A nearly inaudible snap was heard, signifying that her latest attempt to floss her teeth had failed. Her razor sharp fangs wound up cutting the string in half every single time and now it seemed as though that was the last inch she had left.

Breathing in deep, she let out a sigh.

Back when she had first been turned, her old Master had caught her trying to brush her teeth one evening, the resulting tirade was actually quite funny. After flushing her toothbrush and paste-tube down the toilet he had been quite adamant in letting her know that proper vampires did not need such things as 'dental cleaning utensils' and that using them was pointless for their kind. He reasoned that the dark magic that allowed them to regenerate would negate any tooth decay and oral diseases, at the time she had conceded with the logic behind his words and had not bothered to do anything or think about it since.

Until now.

Now she was questioning whether that same dark magic prevented her breath from smelling bad as well. While it did keep her from suffering ill effects and regenerated any damage, she didn't know if it got rid of the potential problem's source. If it didn't actively remove the bacteria in her mouth and just fixed the damage that was caused as it occurred... then that meant that she quite possibly could have the stench of corpses on her breath. That didn't exactly sound too good to her... she could cope with scaring the snot out of people with her shark smile and glow in the dark eyes, but she did not want to add corpse breath to that list!

As fate would have it, it wasn't as if she could really tell if her breath was bad or not to test her theory. Being turned into a blood gorging demon had drastically changed what smelled good and what smelled bad to her. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, as much as it sickened her to admit it, a corpse could smell and taste delicious if it hadn't been dead for long and rotting corpses weren't nearly as appetizing but they still gave off a slightly appealing smell. She liked to think of them like grapes, juicy and sweet when fresh, but if you leave them out for awhile they turn into raisins and are more dry and sour.

In the end she opted to preemptively try and start cleaning her teeth again rather than running around and breathing into people's faces, then asking them whether she needed a Tic-tac or not. Her efforts to that end were not going well however, she had no toothbrush and now she didn't even have floss left. Since she wasn't about to start stealing brushes from the mercenaries, she was left with finding a replacement for her floss, only this time she wanted something that didn't break as easily.

Thankfully, it just so happened that the perfect replacement she had in mind was lying around just several floors up.

* * *

Walter's room...

No one had really gone inside it since he died, it was sort of an unspoken taboo. Still, she supposed someone had to open the door at some point, her and Sir Integra had to break that taboo eventually and since she needed something on the other end she might as well be the one doing the breaking.

With a sad expression she opened the door and entered the room, it was actually quite tidy if you ignored all the dust. This wouldn't take nearly as long as she thought.

Now she just needed to find where Walter would have put his micro-filament wires. She supposed the closet was as good a place as any to start and so began her search there. Upon opening said closet she discovered that perhaps her initial impression of how long her task would take was horribly incorrect. There were boxes. Tons of boxes upon tons of boxes, and they stretched on throughout the span of this deceptively large closet. The bloody thing was bigger than the actual room! How does that even work!?

Letting out a sigh, she decided that she better get started.

The first box she set eyes on was labeled, 'Mags', strange... she didn't think Walter kept ammunition in his room. She may as well take a look inside and see if any of it could be useful for the armory while she was here.

Prying said box open gave her quite the surprise however, as she found a different sort of magazine than what she was expecting. Picking one of them up she noticed the cover picture had a woman suggestively unbuttoning the top of a very scanty uniform eerily resembling her own. One of the major headlines read, 'Hot Policegirls XXX'.

Her eye began to develop a rapid twitch as the magazine was ripped in half.

"wwwWWALTERRR! YOU PERVERT!"

"UUGGHHHH!"

If the man wasn't already dead she would have killed him! Well... she wouldn't have killed him exactly, but she'd certainly have put him in a world of unimaginable pain.

The whole thing was just so... so... wrong and yet explained so much.

She would be burning that box and all it's contents later when she discovered where Sir Integra's stash of lighter fluid was hiding. But for now she needed to find those wires... Looking back at the closet and all the various boxes, she let out a frustrated groan. This was going to take awhile.

* * *

After many hours of searching in Walter's closet and discovering many things she wish she hadn't, she had finally found what she was looking for... inside a box labeled, 'Pimp Gloves and accessories' no less. She had made sure to extensively sterilize Walter's micro-filament wires afterwords, she didn't know where they had been and if she was sticking them in her mouth than she wanted to be sure that they didn't just add to her current problem. Now she found herself back in front of her bedroom mirror. Finally, she could start cleaning her teeth and ease her mind.

Opening wide and extending her fangs, she brought the wire close and began her first scrape... and applied too much pressure it seemed, as it cut straight through one of her fangs like it was tissue paper.

She stayed completely still and could only let out a small, "Eep!" as she watched her now severed fang fall into the sink and clank down to the bottom of the drain.

In hindsight, this probably wasn't one of her best ideas... Maybe she should just ask Sir Integra for some mouth wash, that may work better and been less painful.

She just hoped her fang would grow back sometime soon...

"Oww..."

* * *

**Ending Notes:**

A corpse is like a grape...


End file.
